Frienemies

I guess on this date every year I find myself assessing who my friends are, I mean, which of my friends really are my friends.

Too many people become so concerned with time spent and words said, like quantity is the ultimate measure of a friends worth to yourself. Where placement in top friends determines how highly, lowly or no-ly ranked one is to another.

I don't want to be in anyone's top friends, it makes me wonder why i am above or below others, what they have that I don't, what I do that another doesn't. If talking and correspondence is all it takes to make it to a hero's section, then no one is anyone's hero, it's just what friends do.

For me, all i care about in a friend is that they remember the important aspects - birthdays, previous events, interests and so forth. I'm petty about those kind of things because no one ever seems to remember mine, no matter how close to me they think they are. But then it becomes somewhat distorted when those I used to know that i now barely know remember those aspects significant to me. I wonder: Why they are not my close friends? Why do I never see them? And, whatever happened to us?

This is probably why I don't trust anyone and find it so difficult to bring myself to make new friends, because I don't believe in friends anymore.

Unhappy birthday, Jason. For another year...

Goodbye, horses.