I haven't had a best friend since I was in high school, the end of year 12 I think. It's probably been about five years since I've properly told anyone anything personal that troubles me, most attempts I make at venting to others are half-hearted because I don't trust anyone. I already know my 'friends' talk amongst themselves about each other, no one really keeps anything to themselves. Maybe this is the cause to my apathy, my severe detachment from anyone and my inability to let anyone know anything. I guess that's why I make out that I'm so boring, doing the same things every day. But I'm no one to give anyone what they need because I'm still learning how to live, to honestly look you in the eye, it's just easier for me to lie.
All I am is a useless collection of boring lies and empty metaphors made up over the years that stop me from ever getting any where. I've lost all ambition to do anything, nothing inspires me, nobody makes me feel for them and I haven't been left in awe at a sight for my eyes. It's so troublesome to even try to change myself, on my own.
I just want someone to think I'm perfect, to be the only one that could show me how to live, to bear the weight and push me to the sky, to let me do what's right when everything is wrong, when it's easier to run. I'll fill that space they make for me; try to be the one they want, try to be the way they want.
Goodbye, Horses.
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So I'll admit I've been reading your blogs, but the last PP of this one got to me. If you're lonely, and you want all of that which you're asking... why don't you open up to somebody? Well I guess that's alot easier said than done. Actually, the reason it got to me is because I want the same things. You just said it in a way I can't.
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