About me

Despite my dislike for about me's being displayed to the public / lurkers on the interweb, i'm bored and have nothing else to write about tonight.
So..

I am Jason
Though in my later years (relative to my current age) people / friends have called me by the following *deep breath* - jasian, asian, gook, fag, emo, j, jay, jaaaiiiiiiii, james, justin, gayson, gaysian, nip, charlie, nemo and probably some others.

I have early male pattern baldness, so my hair is thin and the scalp is visible, it doesn't bother me too much because there's not a lot I can do about it so, why fret? And, apparently it's somewhat common with Wikipedia statistics saying my age group has about 20% affected.
A less popular err.. trait of mine is my pigmentation, that is, a portion of my skin - stomach/back is actually a different colour from the rest of my natural tone. It grew from what used to be the size of a 5c coin to well.. whatever is the size of half a stomach and back.
I'm weighing in right now at 58.5KG, so I guess I'm pretty skinny, some tell me to stay this size, some tell me to get skinnier, some tell me to get huuuuuuge. I'm at odds about what I want because apathy doesn't really point me in any direction, nor do I have a significant other to please or guide me in terms of weight management. I suppose I'm content with myself.
It's now been noted that I have shiny legs for a hairy person.

I'm 21, I'll update this in a couple of weeks when I'm 22. I wasted the first 2 years out of high school at Curtin University, but now I'm sort of heading where I want to at UWA. I have no aspirations to be anything in the future, other than alive, of course.
I have a brother, a mother, a father, and a sister which looks like a dog (because she is a dog). I get along okay, I don't particularly like conversing with them because there's not much to talk about (that interests me anyway, idle chat = t3h l@m3). Mum's pretty protective about stupid things, like an open window on the 2nd floor, or an unlocked door behind a giant metal gate. Dad needs to grow up and get out more. Brother is.. well different, but tolerable. Bibi is heaven ^_^.

Friends. I have, I guess a good circle, a good small circle of friends. I don't actually have a best friend, but for convenience sake I just tell everyone it's Cait because I only really vent my frustrations and general problems in life to her, not just because she's trustworthy, more so because she has no one to tell that would care at the same time. Everyone else does pretty okay most of the time.

I don't have any hobbies, nothing that's passionate anyway. It seems I just fill in the time with activities to deviate my mind away from my unhappiness with every thing. Yes, I am unhappy. But I smile from time to time because my mind gets interested in anime, manga (comics), various books; especially The Catcher in the Rye, updating my wardrobe, ebay, seeing Cait, writing, drawing, final fantasy and looking at Polaroids from classroom days - I guess I didn't need to fake being happy then.

I can't say that I genuinely hate anything or anyone (thank you, apathy) but I dislike a lot of.. everything's I suppose. They are... *deep breath* railroads, talking with strangers, waiting in line, the smell/taste of most beer, alcohol in general, the outer suburbs, most people from the outer suburbs, manual labour, a busy gym, being asked how I am, shaking hands, public surroundings, small cities, homeless, indigenous, body odor, most ethnics, preachers, lobbyists, canvassers, lack of replies to me, driving, stitches, in-grown hairs, burnt milk in coffee at UWA, inflated Perth prices on everything, not tagging shoes with Chris, Audun and Blake anymore :(, generic clothes, fighting, violence in general (bar entertainment purposes) and probably a whole lot of other things I can't think of right now.

I figure I'd be a bad boyfriend because nothing has ever lasted very long. I used to get obsessive but all that and feelings drowned out a long time ago, so it feels harder to connect with someone and even harder to actually want someone. Based on my stature I'd say I'm probably inadequate for anyone my age, which is probably why braces are my favoured candy of the eye. I have no idea what I would like in a girl, even the less than handful I've liked, there has been nothing constant or in common with any of them. I guess that's because they choose me and I really suck at saying no.

I think about the ah, 'good old days', for lack of a better expression, way too much even though there isn't all that much to think about. I guess I just look back and wish I hadn't been such a jerk to particular people, since I want them here right now. I thought I could get away with anything I did to some friends back then and they'd stick by forever, but it feels like it disappeared faster than the smell after it rains. Sorry, Chiara.

I used to write a journal, not about each day of my life or weekly reviews like that, but more so just particular events, mostly insignificant because I would just sort of exaggerate them with words. But, I mostly wrote about people in them. Unfortunately I lost all of that a while ago and never made copies, feels like a big fat waste.

So, it's going on 1am and I feel nervous.
To conclude, there's nothing I really want out of life, no where I really want to be, or anyone I want to be with. If I could, I would just sit in my room all day gathering information on the world so that from 10 years from now when I get over me Agoraphobia, I can step outside and be the best conversation to everyone I come across. Maybe I just want to make people happy, what a gay cliche of an ending.

Goodbye, horses.