ill take the quiet life

a handshake with carbon monoxide.
no alarms and no surprises please.


so it's been a while since I've done anything remotely exciting. actually it's been a long time since I've even done anything at all. it's not like I'm busy anymore because i still struggle to find activities to occupy my days, i just have no motivation to do anything or any aspirations to be anyone (re: intro). i still, from time to time, think about the days when i used to be happy.
i started reading this old book i found in my shelves called 'blindness' by jose saramago, it's about a group of people who suddenly and without reason contract a form of blindness and ultimately band together to survive this epidemic. even though it's unlikely, it makes me wonder about my increasingly degenerating eyesight and what it would be like to try and cope relying on physical survival after having one of my natural senses become oh so fleeting. i guess with my "least troublesome path" approach to everything i would just sit there and wait for the slow, but inevitable ascent (or forbidding descent) into the afterlife.

i keep getting skinnier, my natural weight (empty stomach) is down to about 54kg. i guess i owe it all to soccer at nights and the lack of appetite that follows. i have bought 4kg of protein powder though with hopes that my decreasing body size will at least abstain for now, or even switch into reverse. these BMI (body mass index) calculator things on the internet say im about 11kg underweight. i kinda wish i had some old photos of when i was in high school, i used to weigh 68kg and be, well, normal i guess. but thinking about me plus that weight sounds like it equals FAT.

I'm still waiting for some decent cold weather to come, I've barely worn anything i bought on my trip to the homeland. but then i haven't been out enough or with the right people to wear most of it. on a positive, I've stopped (finally) trying things on in my room and taking pictures and then judging myself, the reality hit me on how uber lame that is.

i have nothing else to report for you, the thousands of non-existent readers reading.
so again,

Goodbye, Horses.

(P.S. cold showers SUCK)